I believe in energy, I believe in timing. All that we are is matter that vibrates at a particular frequency and gives off energy. And time, well time is like the interstitial fluid in between our cells. Without it, we wouldn’t be the physical forms that we are. The first time I met my last love interest, I hardly noticed his presence. Who knows if I was too occupied with the cute shorts that I was trying on or if I was just naive, but I didn’t feel anything. I walked out of the store we met in without giving it one second of my time. The second time I miraculous crossed paths with him was wildly different. Just looking at him made my heart expand out of my chest as if it were as infinite as the galaxy. I could feel his presence on my skin like static. He was always on my mind, behind the scenes of every thought. And it stayed like this for years. So what does all of this mean? Why not at first sight but then the overload of feelings the second time around? I don’t know the answers but the inquisition remains prominent in my everyday life – especially when it comes to online dating.
It’s not that I disagree with it. I’d never judge someone for online dating. Let’s face it, most people are or have at some point in their lives been on a dating website or app. For me, it just doesn’t work. Like I said before, I believe in energy. I believe our energies attract certain things into our lives, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. It’s a vibrational match to where we are in our lives and what needs to be learned at that particular time. Who knows, maybe I had nothing to learn the first time I met my previous love or maybe I wasn’t ready for the learnings that it was to bring. I’ll never know the answers to these questions but what I do know is that I wouldn’t have been able to feel what I felt had I just seen a couple photos of him with a dog whose owner is ambiguous along with a scripted bio of how he loves to work hard and play hard. There is more to it, it goes beyond physical appearance. The attractions and the subsequent feelings cannot be translated over technology. This is beyond manmade technology and much like the cosmos, it’s beyond our understanding. So why don’t we let go and welcome not knowing?
I want depth, I want mystery. I don’t want to sit here and have my life spelled out – where is the fun in that? This is how I interpret online dating. There is no room for synchronicity or “coincidences”. It feels like an assembly line in a car factory – same experience over, and over, and over. And beyond that, I don’t think these apps do any of us justice. How can we possibly decide if someone is worthy of our time, our love by looking at a photo and reading a self-crafted description? What I’ve noticed about humans is that we are so hard on ourselves. We see ourselves through this shaded lens when those in our lives see a bright, beaming light contouring our body. Rarely do I encounter someone who appreciates all their beauty and brilliance – sadly it’s most often the opposite. So because we are blind to our own beauty we’re handicapping ourselves by the poor representation of oneself on these apps. We’re hiding that special something that might just be the thing that casts the spell of madly in love.
There’s more to this validation through pictures and script that needs to be put on the table. When you’re cruising through and swiping left or right (I still don’t know which is which), you are accepting this form of approval. You are telling the world, “Yes, I allow someone to decide if I am worthy by my looks.” And you know what, maybe that’s cool with you. But for me, I’m more than my body and I have a soul who loves to give love and receive love. I want my person to feel me energetically, not only see me physically. And if I want this for myself, then I should give others the same respect. I want to give everyone, romantic or not, the opportunity to be a part of my life for who they are not what they are. We are ever-changing, and if you haven’t figured it out yet — aging is a real thing.
I know there is this looming pressure of “when”. I experience it on the daily, whether it be self-inflicted or from outside sources. But I don’t want to date just to date. I don’t want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one or worse to not be alone. But for me, dating apps are like speed dating — quickly skimming the pages and judging a book by its cover. If I’m only living this life once then I don’t want to speed through any of it. I want to live every moment — good and bad because there is learning in both of them. Everything in my life has played out perfectly to lead me to where I am right now. I’ve had a lot of “bad”, trauma, drama, fear, sadness and I’ve had a lot of good, joyful, happiness, excitement, bliss – all of which I am thankful for because I know it was all timed precisely and has allowed me to become the human I am today. The universe has worked in its wonderfully mysterious and mystical ways to, one way or another, fulfill my dreams and desires. It’s aligned events and occurrences with such specificity, that no man could ever micromanage with the same effectiveness. So if it’s been able to do all it has thus far, then why would I interrupt it now? Why would I get in the way of its magical workings and diminish the element of surprise? Why wouldn’t I trust in energy and trust that it will happen when the time is right?