We’re all getting ready to ship off to our respective holiday celebrations — we’re foreshadowing eggnog, ugly sweaters, and heated debates across the Christmas ham. The first installment of Femme Feed Advice comes from a pal of the site with this wing-dinger:
I’m headed home to see my conservative family for the holidays. It’s always a bit of butting heads on lifestyles but this year feels especially scary since they are Trump supporters and I am very vocal about not being one. Any advice you babes might have on staying sane, and ensuring no one gets dish wear to the head?
A great question indeed. We chose this topic to kick off our advice column because we figured there would be a whole slew of you also fearing just the same scenario. Truth is, it’s unavoidable, and I’m not a prime example in this department — I can’t help but take the subject very personally, often resulting in huffing and puffing my way out the front door. I turned to some trusted resources to bring you answers to keep the blood shed at bay. We took to a good ol’ group text to ask our girls with similar family dynamics how they manage to hold off a family meltdown.
Nida who’s spending Hanukkah with the Trump supporting men in her life suggests you set boundaries. “My advice is to embrace prayer. There’s no point in ruining a perfectly good evening and/or outfit over any asshole. It’s about time and place, and holiday parties are neither.” This means being vocal about what you do and don’t want to talk about is key. Explain that you still respect them regardless of their political beliefs, and you would like them to respect your right to remain festive. Another friend seconds this movement by saying “People are complicated. You’re not going to love every part of them. You love them in spite of their faults. Donald Trump is awful and scary man, but it doesn’t mean people who do find him appealing are bad people.”
“Invest in a weed pen and smoke out in the bathroom with your younger cousin,” says Mathilda. Her politically-inclined pops & co. can get a little heated, so bringing the relaxers to the mixer might just be your savior. While this sounds like off-beat advice we take it as more metaphorical. Keep things light hearted and chill — and when someone’s had too many hot toddies and leans in to talk international affairs just excuse yourself and find a quiet place to cool down. Removing yourself from the scenario momentarily can allow your mind to find ease, and let’s your family know you’re using your most adult moves to respect freedom of speech but not indulge. If that doesn’t work she suggests “Memorize Eminem’s rap bashing Trump and make a toast to recite it.”
A third confidant, Dani, suggests taking a very different approach. Break out the shot glasses and turn it into a night of drunk history! “Every time Trump comes up, Tequila!” Our guess is you’ll probably eventually forget what you were talking about in the first place. Overall just agree to have fun regardless of your personal beliefs. Take it up a notch and film the whole thing — it will bring you all closer to rewatch the slurry footage at next years family gathering.
Our final, and potentially best advice for you: Be the curiosity that didn’t kill the cat. Ask them questions that might help you understand where their beliefs might lie even if you don’t share them. Make sure you promise yourself to listen with your ears and not with your voice — and let them get it out. Even if you don’t agree at the end, they will appreciate your efforts to open the conversation and learn. You never know, they may just want to learn some things in return. Educate each other — chances are they love you, and just didn’t realize how it was affecting you personally. You are all individuals — you can’t control, or have expectations of one another — you’re only here to teach each other!