Feng Shui For Dating: A Bedroom That Manifests Love.

Simply stated, the ancient art form of feng shui is two-fold: welcoming beautiful energy into your life, and making it feel at home. When you walk into a space and feel an immediate sense of reverence — that’s feng shui. It’s powerful. And it’s communicated thru the language of metaphor, with our homes as metaphors for our (love) lives. If walls could talk, what would they say about your dating life?  

As I continually refine my feng shui practice, subtlety reigns; more sensuality than suncatcher crystals. Chanel had it right when she declared, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take at least one thing off.” Apply this to interiors, for open space is vital when manifesting change. Fresh energy needs a place to rest. Single friends (or those looking to ramp up an existing relationship) contemplate on how much space you have in your life, and for the focus of this article, your bedroom. If you were a guest, would you feel comfortable? A potential partner needs to sense that you have space for them, in all ways.

I remember someone telling me to always sleep in your own guest room. Now that I’m dating again post-divorce, I lost the guest room but kept the adage, and apply it thru the lens of romance. When I invite a man over, I want him to relax, lounge and leisure with me, get grounded, and feel open enough to bare his soul. I set up my house to reinforce these desires. What are your relationship desires? As you apply the following steps, infuse your intentions into each action. In feng shui, the ‘cure’ and the intention work in delightful tandem.

How to use feng shui to activate your bedroom for dating in six easy steps:

  1. Place your bed in a power position.

‘Power position’ is a feng shui term for the most beneficial placement of a high-use piece of furniture. For a bed, a power position entails:

  •  a solid wall behind the headboard
  • space to enter the bed from either side
  • a clear view of the bedroom door, without being in line with the doorway

Basically, position yourself so that no one can sneak up behind you, and you can see who is coming into the room. Considering the energy flow in such a manner leads to a feeling of safety, which translates into peaceful sleep. I’ve seen many a single sleeping with their bed pressed up against a wall. I ask them: “How is your lover supposed to get in and out? Over your sleeping body?” Not very considerate.

BONUS: Think fresh sheets for fresh action. Treat yourself to a new set of linens (or even pillowcases) for better juju.  Red is the color of passion, purple of abundance and green of growth…

  1. Clean under your bed.

You are literally sleeping with anything you keep under your bed. Think about that. If you keep old shoes there, then you are sleeping with those shoes — and with all of the places they have walked, all of the dirt they have acquired. Tax records, sleeping with them. Winter clothes, sleeping with them. Whatever is under the bed becomes activated as a metaphor in your love life; likely not the threesome you fantasize about. Keep it clean and clear under the bed, for better sleep, sex and dreaming.

  1. Choose matching bedside tables.

Equality in relationship is a beautiful goal. Set the mood for this equality to be revealed with matching bedside tables. Yes, it can be that simple! The tables should fit the look and scale of your bed. If a lamp is on one, a matching lamp should be on the other. For singles, I like to stack the deck by placing something symbolic on a future partner’s table: an empty notebook for the adventures you will write together or a book of erotic poetry.  And how about your side? Every surface has the potential to be an incognito altar.  

BONUS: Minimize electronics (EMFs) beside the bed for healthier sleep. Charge your phone somewhere else at night.

  1. Remove mirrors that directly face the bed.

Mirrors bounce around energy and double what they reflect. Struggling with insomnia, nightmares or infidelity? Take down the mirror(s) facing your bed, or cover at night if removal is not an option. Go mirrorless for a more harmonious environment.

  1. Create room in your closet.

Okay, so your dream lover is chilling in bed, leaning against that solid wall and reading you erotic poetry: but where will they hang their hat? If dreamy weekends together sound nice, give your guy or gal a place to hang up a few items. Keep a handful of empty wooden hangers in your closet. I promise you will smile when you see these hangers, picturing the stylish mate en route to you.

BONUS: Do the same in your medicine cabinet.  

  1. To be in a couple, decorate in pairs.

Look around your room, art included, and look for themes. A few years back I kept meeting men with whom I would really connect, only to learn that they were in an open relationship. I checked out my house. Sets of three were abound, which makes sense as a single mama with two sons. I remedied and the pattern stopped. As Aristotle stated, “the chief forms of beauty are order and symmetry.” Symmetry is pleasing to the eye, as well as to the heart. Add life with a pair of plants. Hang a painting of union. Get creative and embed happy twosomes around your bedroom.

To close, try this exercise with me to uncover your ‘Love Corner.’ Walk thru the doorway of your bedroom and go to the back right corner. What do you find here? Very telling! Love on this zone and place something symbolic here, or better yet, two somethings. But more on this in Feng Shui & Dating, Part Two: The Love Corner, coming soon.

Meghan Wallace James is at the Spiritual Advisor in residence at VÉRITÉ.  She is pleased to offer VÉRITÉ readers a special rate for virtual feng shui consults.  Email Meghan at mwj@meghanwallacejames.com for more details!

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Editor Essentials | 12 Things That Are Clarifying Our New Year!

Editor Essentials | 12 Things That Are Clarifying Our New Year! NOW ON VERITE WOMAN, Vita Goods, Essential Oils, What does Bergamot essential oil do, what does cedar wood essential oil do, moonology, sunglasses, le labo, rose 31, alchemy of herbs, the power of now, elkhart tolle, ester perel, clarify, new year's resolutions, herbivore botanicals, dry winter skin treatments.With the best intentions you, me, and everyone else greet the new year readying to step into our higher selves. You would think as a cohesive collective it would make the transition seamless — however there are always a few bumps in the first month as we banish bad habits, and call in our best self. Personally, I’m pretty ready to embody my most Divine Feminine state and live my most cool, calm, collected life in the midst of creating content, and shipping Vérité Woman purchases. Let’s make this year a little easier, and keep each other accountable shall we? Here are my top 12 essentials for gaining clarity, and keeping my self-care on lock as I jump into 2018.

Vita Goods Cedarwood Essential Oil
Cedarwood is used to call in abundance, and for 2018 that’s sort of my thing. This essential oil has all kinds of practical uses as well, aside from smelling cozy, it aids with focus. It’s also an anti-inflammatory if you’ve been over-indulging over the holidays.

Vita Goods Bergamot Essential Oil
This beautiful scent goes with pretty much any other oil — it just seems to add a little extra life to any blend. However, it runs a whole lot deeper than just a good perfume high-note. This oil can work wonders for those finding themselves with some winter blues as a natural antidepressant. It can also be very useful if you find yourself with a seasonal cold as it fights congestion. I’m using it to energize my mornings as I set out for a happy, productive day.

Vérité Woman Sabina Sunglasses
Since I stocked these on the Vérité Woman shop, I haven’t stopped wearing these chic sunnies. It may not be the season, but it doesn’t matter — these beauties even look good on the slopes.

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
To gear up for a more focused, driven, and purposeful year I delved deep into Eckhart Tolle’s teachings. The Power of Now was suggested by a friend and could not have come at a more appropriate time. I realized I am plaguing myself by obsessing with the future, trying to set everything up for the unfolding of a perfect plan, stressing royally. The reality is the only time we can really be sure of is the moment we are in. I highly suggest this book for those who want to learn how to manage their obsessive thoughts, and owning self-fulfilling prophecies.  

Esther Perel’s Podcast Where Should We Begin
Esther Perel has long been a woman I admire greatly — so when I heard the relationship therapist had a new podcast out I couldn’t wait to binge. Only, I switched it on and was overwhelmed with all the feels. Emotions overload, this podcast touches on real people and the issues their marriages face — all common, relatable topics. It’s beautiful, and sad,  raw, and human. With warning, and a box of tissues I say go forth and learn a few things.

Health & Beauty Dead Sea Minerals – Powerful Cream – Olive & Honey 250ml
For years my mother has brought these products back from Tel Aviv with her — and during the holiday offers up the most luxe foot and hand massages with this olive and honey moisturizing cream. The smell is divine, and you’ll want to keep it close for bouts of winter dryness.

The Vérité Woman Aphrodite Hoops
The newest item on the shop is giving all the feels. The Aphrodite Hoops are the definition of a staple piece that any woman, at any age should own. More so, they are a token of worship to the goddess of love herself, and we could always use a bit of that on our side.

Moonology: Working with the Magic of Lunar Cycles
Ever since I realized my period was synched with the full moon I have felt an extra charge of power and curiosity to learn all things about the moon and our cycles. More so, just the moon and our lives. 

Alchemy of Herbs: Transform Everyday Ingredients into Foods and Remedies That Heal
I’m not much of a chef so there should be no surprise that in place of cookbooks I have this book. It’s a wonderful reference for healing, and creating on the spot! One of my resolutions was to learn much, much more about Herbalogy, this is my favorite place to re-learn the basics. 

Le Labo Rose 31 in 15ml
There’s nothing rose that I wouldn’t love, but this scent really does hit home.

Herbivore Botanicals – All Natural Coco Rose Luxe Hydration Trio
I use almost only clean ingredient products on my skin and hair, but there’s always room to grow! I’ve long been an avid user of Herbivore Botanicals, but when my lips go through stages of seriously Hollywood-makeup-frost-bitten-hiker I turn to this lip scrub. Seeing there was a set — almost too good to be true.

Two Two Shoes Vince Slide
I bought these slides on a whim and they have become high on my rotation ever since. They  add a refined, but playful element to any outfit!

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How Never Falling In Love Showed One Writer Her Most Important Relationship.

How Never Falling In Love Showed One Writer Her Most Important Relationship., Anna Vatuone, How to be single, Self Love, How to love yourself, How to be happy when you're single, reasons to be single, how to get over a break up, life hack, life advice, love advice, personal story, feminism, intersectionality.
Art by Cristiane Spangsperg. Words by Anna Vatuone.

How Never Falling In Love Showed One Writer Her Most Important Relationship. I have seized an abundance of noteworthy experiences; traveled to many different countries, built lasting relationships with people from all over the world, and can truthfully say I’ve created a life I’m proud of and excited for. Though I can’t say falling in love has ever been on this list of treasures. When people talk of romance I know only so much, and I suppose it’s true one will never know an intimate sort of love until it’s felt. There have been many wonderful men who have walked into my life, many men who have thrilled me, even courted me, and have ultimately contributed to the ways in which I have grown and matured over the last 10 years. Though none whose names have been etched in my memory bank. I have been single for nearly nine years now.

When I let a detail like that slip, often times people look at me wide eyed. It’s not normal per say. Im 23. Certainly, I should’ve had a high school sweetheart, even a serious boyfriend through college, or even a more serious relationship after college. But no, it never quite happened that way. I come from a family of intellectuals, my brothers and I grew up discussing politics at the dinner table. We learned how to articulate what we felt and never to be ashamed of speaking our truth. I grew up with parents who encouraged me to think intellectually, they listened to my thoughts intently, and have further challenged those beliefs my entire life. It would make sense that I would desire a similar connection in my adult relationships. My hunger for deep and meaningful relationships is what propels everything I stand for. And because of this, I thrive and I also suffer.

How Never Falling In Love Showed One Writer Her Most Important Relationship., Anna Vatuone, How to be single, Self Love, How to love yourself, How to be happy when you're single, reasons to be single, how to get over a break up, life hack, life advice, love advice, personal story, feminism, intersectionality.

I have watched my best friends develop fulfilling relationships with men who adore them. I have counseled them, cried with them, rejoiced with them. There have been moments where I’ve wrestled with my own bitterness, days where I would’ve given anything just to feel what they felt, just to feel loved by a man who truly knew me. Part of me wonders if I’m missing the boat, if I’m gambling on a love that will never come. Have I set the bar too high? Have I shut out possibilities of significant relationships out of fear that they never could be? Though I can think of nothing more suffocating than being bound to a lukewarm relationship. I hold no grudges, no remorse, nor guilt; but I have no love songs to commemorate my name, and no lasting relationships to speak wistfully of.       

So, this is where my advice to you begins; nine years of the most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had: the one with myself. How does one cope with solitude? Whether you’ve been single for many years, or just now exiting an existing relationship, there are many ways to brave the world of aloneness. It starts with one’s own natural disposition. You have to come from a place of love. I see it again and again; women who are afraid of being alone. Though how can anyone blame them when we live in a society that says singleness correlates with insufficiency? This is simply not true. On the contrary, singleness… can be one of the most extraordinary times of your life.

There is security in companionship. Humans have an unceasing thirst for intimacy; we look for connection in all areas of our lives, and we seek out those who we feel can fulfill those desires. So when romantic companionship is missing, we can feel empty, like something truly significant is ceasing to exist. Instead of pushing these feelings away, sit with them. You can have a longing in your heart, and still find a way to be satisfied and fulfilled in your life. There is no shame in wanting a partner, in seeking a life that has all the essential components connecting. The problem arises when you forgo possibilities in your present, when there is a fixation on something that isn’t there. I’ve learned to practice the art of contentment, but this is something you have to actively pursue. If we look close enough, we can see there are ways to feel content in solitude.

Singleness is a time that allows for growth and self-discovery apart from inhibition. I know myself in a way that is so intimately, and beautifully untouchable by anyone else. I’ve used this time of aloneness to wrestle with my deepest insecurities, vulnerabilities, and sorrow. Yet in these dark moments of truth, I’ve also seen parts of myself that are covered in goodness and in  grace. Over these last 9 years I have actively made the time to know myself; fully and unfiltered. Deep down I have known it couldn’t have been done with a partner. No, the edge have self discovery had to be done in only the company of myself.

I’ve learned that not only am I capable, I’m strong. I’ve learned how to care for myself in a way that’s holistically loving and nurturing. I’ve learned how to cheer myself up, and make room for healthy criticism where needed. Of course, there are days where I miss a man I’ve never known, where I desire the deep intimacy of a romantic relationship. Though I have found companionship in many corners of my life: in my love of writing, in my thirst for fellowship, in passion for my blog, in my excitement for travel; all these give me such joy and ask of me so much. I give myself to these passions and they love me back in a way that is endlessly fulfilling and produce such happiness and exhilaration. When I look at my life, when I step back and look down, I know I have been loved deeply through all of these.

There is a quote by Matt Kahn I’ve always liked. It goes like this, “Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” This is an invitation to heartily knowing oneself. My wish for you is an endless walk of self-love and discovery. May you sit quietly with yourself in moments of sorrow and in joy. Be truthful, ask questions, dig deeper. Whether you find yourself alone, or in relationship this season, make room for your own company. Just as we love and get to know others, you, yourself is asking of only the same. Meet yourself deeply.

This article was sent to us by the beautiful soul Anna Vatuone, find more of her writing here.

 

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Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love.

Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love. | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love.Now that you’ve been introduced to the most important layer of the self-love journey, we want to give you some tools to implement, that will help turn this elusive concept into a habit: Our Tried and True Practices for Finding and Sustaining Self Love! This isn’t an easy out of insecurities, it’s still hard work but from what we’ve found they will set you on the right path. Get ready to free yourself from self-doubt.

Inside:
The inside encompasses the ego and mental selves (if you haven’t read our last post, be sure to do that first) — this is who you believe yourself to be on the inside, what makes up your personality and rules your belief system.

  1. Take charge of your thoughts. Open up the notes in your phone and make a list. Define a being that you could love. Define a being that you believe is beauty. Not by cultures standards, but by your personal standards. For example, your mother is a force to be reckoned with, her large presence and unwavering stance has always been admirable to you — put it on the list. This list will be your touch base whenever you feel unsure in yourself. That’s why it should be kept on your phone, so you can get to it in dire times.
  2. Speak to your body as if it were someone you love — gently, reassuring, pulling out its best attributes to remind it how beautiful and powerful it really is.
  3. Make a list of gratitudes. This is one we at Vérité Woman can testify to its powers to heal. When you’re feeling a surge of insecurities about your self worth, ability to achieve, or attract love whip out a journal or your phone notes and make a list of all of the things that you love about who you are (a very important step to meditate on), things you made happen (big or small) that make you happy, and things you have attracted: got that job you wanted, made amazing friends that you love and look up to, most importantly gratitude for the beautiful life you’ve built yourself. This list will immediately make you glow, and put into perspective that your good energy and high-level of worth made these wonderful things come to fruition.
  4. Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Social media is one of, if not the largest source of feeling inadequate in our modern day. We allow this tool that is meant to be a source of inspiration to be a source of pure mental plague. Unfollow all the accounts that do not serve you, or the people who make you feel lesser — it’s not thinspiration, it’s sickness. This makes room for accounts and people that leave you happier and more whole.
  5. Forgive yourself! We hate when others teaching self-love say “accept who you are” because we believe you are always changing, growing, learning in an upward trajectory. However, instead we say forgive yourself — it’s too much weight to carry around the guilt you feel from past actions, or the bruises you dolled out from being too hard on yourself. When you’re feeling these pasts plaguing you just repeat I forgive you as your mantra until it passes. But most importantly while you say these words to yourself meditate on believing them. With habit, the words will become reality.

Outside:
These tools address your physical self —that body that has taken so much abuse from others and yourself.

  1. Treat your body like it belongs to someone you love. Romance it, pamper it — face masks may not be the key to self-care but the action of caring for works wonders. Act like your body is a relationship you are in and have to consistently cultivate, because guess what, you do.
  2. Find beauty in who you are — This should be apart of your Gratitude List (see above). Describe in depth the force in your curves that demand attention, the clarity of your eyes that see the best in people. You can choose to keep this in the same place as your gratitude list, and your list of defining beauty traits to reference when needed.
  3. Self portraiture. This, for some might be the most difficult step in this process — so many feel a veil of shyness hide their true charisma once a camera focuses on them. When you’re all by yourself set up a camera, the self timer on your phone, or even just go to selfie mode. Spend time documenting what you look like when it’s just you. Document varying emotions if you want to take the project that far — when you have tears running down your face, when you are smiling at the camera, when you feel sexiest. Take hundreds if you have to. It may sound like a whole bunch of time wasted on vanity, but in fact it is a wonderful healing exercise into seeing yourself from an outside view. Look at these photos as if you are a stranger finding splendor in this confident woman. Soon you will start to believe in her, and become her.

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Unlocking Self Love: Everyone Wants Know How, We Have Key!

Unlocking Self Love: Everyone Wants To Know How, And We Have The Key! | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love, spirituality, feminism.Self love. Two words that we’ve found to be a hefty concept, but often elusive, just out of ones reach. Everyone wants to know how, we have the key! Well, actually you have the key too, you just don’t know it yet. We read philosophical texts, pulled from personal experience, and studied up — all to get deep into the root of the idea, What is self love? And further how do we teach it? Finally, we think we’ve got it, and we’ve packaged it up nicely to deliver to you just in time for the fresh canvas that is 2018.
We figured if we’re dealing with an idea that could vary from woman to woman, culture to culture we should introduce exactly our intentions with this whole self love thing, and what we would like to achieve: An uninterrupted peace. Think of the sound of an ethereal high-note being sung, if something interrupts the note’s trajectory it is no longer as beautiful, but if it meets its highest potential and holds there we are impressed, we lap up the sensory beauty. Even more-so, if many enchanting voices join in they do not take away from the first, it becomes a choir — overwhelming us with its brilliance. This is our goal for you! For us! For women! Uninterrupted confidence and self-worth, and soon when we all find it the female whole becomes this choir — stronger and more impactful together.
In our research we found a few key notes of repeating elements that spanned time periods and ideologies, at first glance they may seem simple enough but the truth is there’s nothing easy about self work. The first idea that we want you to take through all the rest is this: To find a true place in self love one must separate themselves from their physical self, their ego self, and their mental self.

Unlocking Self Love: Everyone Wants To Know How, And We Have The Key! | Now on VERITE WOMAN, how to learn self love, how to have confidence, how to feel good about yourself, how to stop being depressed, how to have confidence at work, how to have confidence in relationships, how to manifest love, spirituality, feminism.The Physical Self:
We know this sounds like a drastic cutting of ties but allow us to explain:
As women we have felt wars against our bodies our whole lives. Whether you realize they impacted you or not. Each little bullet of suppression, sexism, and abuse is worn like invisible scaring on our flesh. They become beliefs in us: we aren’t attractive enough to feel love, we are only a trophy to be shown off, we are only worthy of being someone’s booty call. We often say we are manifesting a better life for ourselves, but while you wear those scars you will only attract more wounds. You are not your body. This is just a vessel you were given to achieve what you needed on this Earth, and to learn a few things along the way. Once you can separate yourself from the physical body that feels these battles against it you can be truly free.

The Ego Self:
Your ego self may be the most detrimental of them all. This is the part of us that keeps us down out of sheer pride. It doesn’t want you to love yourself because it wants you to stay curled up under the covers, safe, with a tub of ice cream – just you and Ego. It’s the self that won’t let you share a photo of your stretch marks on social media because it says “Ew, people don’t want to see that, the world says that’s not what beauty is.” We say tell Ego to fuck right off. Once you can separate yourself from the Ego that keeps you small you can be truly free.

The Mental Self:
This one’s tricky, because here at Vérité Woman we say your mind is your most important weapon, and it is! But that’s your well-fed, well-tended to mind. The mental self that you need to sever a relationship with is the one that spirals. The one that is constantly attaching itself to tiny scenarios and making them into Broadway plays. Once you realize you are not the mental part of you that can sabotage a good hair day in under three seconds, or control your self-worth with self-fulfilling prophecies you can truly be free.
What’s left you might wonder, now that we’ve taken away all the things you have, until now, thought to make up your identity.

The Soul:
Let us just preface this by saying we are in no way trying to define for you the meaning of The Soul in religious or spiritual terms, but this is how we have come to refer to our Other Self. This Soul is the purest form of you from birth, how you come into the world. This part of you is not yet affected by outside sources that we as humans are so malleable to — those that shape your ego, how you feel about your body, your insecurities. It still lives amongst your other selves and surfaces in times of pure inhibition. It is the highest goal to one day live in this state. The part of you that is not what you know, what you look like, or what you’ve become through pain and gain — it’s the part of you that laughs with a snort, stops at every other flower to take a photo, that sings without noticing while stuck in traffic — it’s the purest you. She possesses an uninterrupted peace.

Find our tried and true practices for finding and sustaining this self love here.

 

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